Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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