As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
