your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
