Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
