I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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