I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
