David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
