Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
