Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
