I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
