Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
