when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
