I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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