i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
