how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
