I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
