Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
