Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
