He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Boobs are out for the taking
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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