**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
