Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
