filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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