I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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