How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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