Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
