i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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