I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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