Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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