youre lurking in front of me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
