'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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