she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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