Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
