my phone needs a breathalizer
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
