omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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