Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
