That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
