Why are handjobs necessary in class?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
