I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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