im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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