you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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