well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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