Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
