So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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