and my herpes radar will keep us safe
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
