her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
