She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
