Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
