Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
