Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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