My liver just broke up with me...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
