We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
