I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
