You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
