I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
